Self-Coaching on Multiple Levels

Once in a while, you might come across a challenge that has solutions on different levels. Moreover, this challenge might point to a bigger problem on a deeper level.

Today, I’m going to work on a challenge that I had recently to give you an idea of how to process issues on multiple levels.

Last week, I started to answer self-help questions on Quora. My motivation was twofold. First, I wanted to learn what type of challenges people had so that I can produce relevant content for them. Second, I wanted to promote my blog there.

As a part of my second purpose, I included a link to my blog in my credentials. After a week, Quora warned me that my credentials weren’t displayed and I had to edit them. This didn’t land well with me.

The Mental Level

On the mental level, Quora removing my credentials was a minor issue. Maybe, not even that. Sure, not having a link to my blog in my credentials could impact the traffic to my blog, but how much? One person a week? Was that really such a big problem?

Quora had all the rights to impose whatever rules they wanted on their service. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t use it. It was as simple as that.

I believe that their service provided value to me even if I didn’t promote my blog there or answered a single question. It was a goldmine to understand the challenges of people and to produce content to address those challenges.

Can an obstacle actually be an advantage? I believe it can. In this case, I can use my creativity and embed persuasive links to my blog posts in my Quora answers. That practice might result in greater subscriber acquisition than a dry link in my credentials.

Long story short, there’s no need to be upset about Quora removing my credentials. On the contrary, I can use my creativity and turn this constraint into an advantage. That’s my conclusion on the mental level, but there’s a deeper level that I have to work on.

The Emotional Level

If I didn’t work on this issue on an emotional level and left my reflection on the mental level, I’d miss an opportunity. Every challenge is an opportunity for growth, and I believe I have a room for growth here.

How do I feel about this event? I feel upset because I feel like I’ve been punished. That means I made a mistake.

I don’t like to be punished, and I don’t want to make any mistakes.

That’s a deep belief I carry with me that regulates my behavior. You might say that no one likes to be punished or make any mistakes. But if you take that to an extreme, it might result in passivity, not taking any risks, and dwelling in your comfort zone.

How do I process this problem on the emotional level? The first step is to use the letting go method. Stay with the intense emotions that are triggered until they subside. Embrace the fact that I made a mistake and got punished.

The second step is to allow myself to make mistakes. I don’t need to be perfect. As a matter of fact, I can’t be perfect. It’s human to make mistakes and get punished by reality.

I can see how I adopted my limiting belief of perfection. When I was a child, I was expected to behave perfectly, and I was punished harshly when I didn’t. It’s time to let go of this irrational belief.

The benefits of letting go of my limiting belief are to be more relaxed going through life, taking more risks, and not being tormented when I make a mistake. It’s a liberating process that would contribute to my success and satisfaction in life.

Summary

Once in a while, you might come across a challenge that you can solve easily on the mental level, but the issue might still impact you on an emotional level.

If that’s the case, you need to go deeper into your psyche and ask yourself why you’re triggered by such a simple problem.

When you explore your psyche, you might come across a limiting belief that you picked up when you were a child.

Now is the time to let go of that limiting belief and replace it with a rational one to function better in the world and to improve your success and satisfaction in life.

Burak Bilgin
Software developer with a Ph.D. and 15 years of experience. I write daily on personal development and life lessons. Sign up to my email newsletter to receive a weekly overview of my latest content on personal development and life lessons.

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