Why You Don’t Get What You Desire

And How to Overcome That Obstacle

When we think about the concept “comfort zone,” we usually think about courage. If an action is out of our comfort zone, it triggers fear in us and requires courage to do.

Alternatively, self-discipline might come to mind. For example, waking up at 5 am every day might be outside of your comfort zone.

Some challenges might involve both, such as cold calling 100 people every day.

Positive Experiences That Are Outside of Your Comfort Zone

There are other experiences that don’t seem to require courage or self-discipline but that are still outside of our comfort zone.

You might think that you consciously desire something, but on an unconscious level, it might be outside of your comfort zone.

You might think you might desire a certain sum of net worth, but on an unconscious level, you might be afraid of it.

Unfamiliarity Causes Fear

If you never had a net worth of one million dollars, that experience is unknown to you. Most of us are afraid of unfamiliar territory and try to avoid it. That fear might stay on an unconscious level.

You might not meet many people who admit that they are afraid of multiplying their net worth by ten. It requires some introspection to find out that some sums are indeed out of your comfort zone. We need to find those unconscious fears and let them go.

Exploring Your Limiting Beliefs

Take a moment to reflect on the following question.

Why are you afraid of having 20x your current net worth?

If your net worth is around or below zero, think about a sum that would be outside of your comfort zone, such as 10 million dollars.

Why are you afraid of having a net worth of 10 million dollars?

If you’re like most people, you might object to those questions. You might say that you aren’t afraid of having a significantly higher net worth. But set those objections aside, relax, ask those questions, and let the answers come up.

An Example

Here’s an example of what might come up for some people.

“If I have that kind of net worth, I’ll lose my motivation to work. I’d quit my job and retire. I’d get used to the easy and good life. Then, I’d be stressed all the time, because my livelihood would depend on my net worth.

“If I make a mistake or if there’s a financial crisis, I might lose a significant portion of my net worth. Then, I might need to start working again. That would be painful because I’d be used to the easy life. Moreover, my standard of living would decrease dramatically, and that would hurt as well.

“Besides that, if people get to know about my net worth, I’d receive dozens of calls every day for ‘business opportunities’ and donation requests, not to mention the criminals who come after my wealth.”

Letting Go of Your Limiting Beliefs

Does that sound far-fetched? Believe it or not, some people think like that. Most probably, you have similar limiting beliefs that you aren’t aware of yet. Ask the questions above and listen to your subconscious so that they can come up.

What are your limiting beliefs around having a high net worth?

In some cases, just becoming aware of a limiting belief is sufficient to let it go. You realize how irrational it is, you have a good laugh about it, and you’re free from it forever.

In other cases, a limiting belief might be a legitimate concern that you have to address. Let’s do that on the example above.

Cultivating Empowering Beliefs

“If I lose my motivation because of my high net worth, that means that I’m mainly motivated by money to work.

“In that case, I’d take my time to find another way to produce value where I have other motivations than just making a living.

“That way, I’d keep working and earning money, so that I can still make a living even if I lose my entire net worth.

“I’d invest time and effort in my financial education so that I can maintain a diversified portfolio to preserve my wealth.

“I’d exercise financial discipline not to get too deep into ‘the good life.’ That would also keep me under the radar of ‘business opportunities,’ donation requests, and criminal activities.”

Mental Cleaning

You need to do that kind of “mental cleaning,” so that you don’t have internal barriers to achieve your goals. If you need to learn how to overcome external obstacles, you can read yesterday’s post.

If you aren’t ready for what you want, you might blow it off quickly. A typical example is the lottery winners who lose their winnings in a few years.

Sure, financial illiteracy is one of the reasons for their “misfortune,” but that type of extra money is also out of their comfort zone. As a result, they find ways of blowing it all off in a year or two.

Get Ready for Your Goals

To avoid blowing it off once you reach your goals, you need to get ready for them. One way to do that is to imagine that you have already achieved them. Let all the feelings come up and stay with those emotions.

With that imagination exercise, you’ll make what’s unfamiliar, familiar. Those experiences and conditions won’t be that much out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel at home once you experience those conditions in your reality.

Applications in Different Areas of Your Life

The example in this post was about finances, but the same exercise can be applied to different areas of your life such as relationships, weight loss, and so on.

On a conscious level, you might be desiring a relationship, but on an unconscious level, you might not want to give up your freedom.

On a conscious level, you might want to lose weight, but on an unconscious level, you might be afraid of receiving too much attention from the opposite sex.

Conclusion

Your comfort zone isn’t only defined by the activities that you’re afraid of or that require discipline. It’s also defined by the experiences and conditions that are unfamiliar.

On a conscious level, you might desire a particular experience or condition, but on an unconscious level, you might be afraid of it.

If you don’t become aware of those unconscious fears and address them, they might keep you from realizing your goals.

Burak Bilgin
Software developer with a Ph.D. and 15 years of experience. I write daily on personal development and life lessons. Sign up to my email newsletter to receive a weekly overview of my latest content on personal development and life lessons.