It Doesn’t Matter Why. What Matters Is How!

The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask. What is your favorite question pronoun? Why or How?

Do you ask a lot of why questions?

  • Why does my partner not understand me?
  • Why do my children not listen to me?
  • Why can’t I get along with my colleagues?
  • Why is the opposite sex not interested in me?
  • Why is there hunger in the world?
  • Why are there wars in the world?
  • Why is there poverty in the world?

You could write a book about each of them and not a single sentence in it would help you, because a why question is the wrong question to begin with. Why questions imply that the source of the problem is outside of you. Someone else is to blame for the situation. They involve a lack of acceptance of what is. They are there to find excuses. They are complaints in disguise. They are a sign of the victim mentality.

The right question to start with is how.

  • How can I explain myself to my partner?
  • How can I speak so that my children would listen to me?
  • How can I get along with my colleagues?
  • How can I attract the interest of the opposite sex?
  • How can I contribute to the world food program?
  • How can I work for more peace in the world?
  • How can I help people to overcome poverty?

How do you feel after reading the how questions? Don’t you feel empowered, inspired, and motivated? How questions are a sign of the creator mentality. Before accomplishing anything significant, you have to start with the question, “How?”

Every time you catch yourself asking why, change your question to a how question and think about it. Soon, you’ll get over the victim mentality and adopt the creator mentality. Keep doing that and you’ll experience quantum leaps in your life.

Burak Bilgin
Software developer with a Ph.D. and 15 years of experience. I write daily on personal development and life lessons. Sign up to my email newsletter to receive a weekly overview of my latest content on personal development and life lessons.