How to Deal with Worry and Disappointment

Worry and disappointment are our default state. Overcoming them requires a shift in mindset.

Contrary to common belief, the objects and events that we desire will not make us happy. It is the anticipation and working towards our desires until their realization that make us happy. Our happiness plummets just after the realization of our desire.

Moreover, the once desired object or state becomes the new standard. We get attached to it and this causes anxiety. After a few cycles like this, we understand that it is not the objects or events that make us happy, but our progress towards new goals.

At a certain moment, we understand that everything is transient. According to the law of entropy, everything will move from order to disorder. According to the Murphy’s Law, if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. Yet, we work tirelessly and hope for keeping everything as it is.

Everything is transient and things will go wrong. This is the nature of our experience. It is a physical law. Now, we have two choices. The default choice is to reject and resist that law, which results in anxiety. The conscious choice is to accept that law, which results in peace of mind.

When you accept that everything is transient, what matters is experiences. Objects and events of desire are reduced to vehicles to facilitate experiences. What we want is a pleasant experience before we lose it all, at the end of our lives.

Accepting the transient nature of everything means letting go of our attachment to everything. This results in peace of mind, in equanimity. We are fine with whatever happens. Nothing can disrupt our emotional balance.

Equanimity is an even higher state than happiness. It is not as fragile as happiness. It is a more realistic view of our experience.

Gratitude plays a key role to reach the state of equanimity. If we know that things will go wrong, what’s the use of worrying about them? Whenever you feel worried or upset, think about all the good things that you have or experienced in your life. Feel gratitude. Soon, your worry and disappointment will disappear. And remember, everything is transient anyway.

Burak Bilgin
Software developer with a Ph.D. and 15 years of experience. I write daily on personal development and life lessons. Sign up to my email newsletter to receive a weekly overview of my latest content on personal development and life lessons.

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